Diagnosing Unforgiveness Attitude and Action Checklist

Here are some indicators that you may have ‘unforgiveness’ issues in your life. As you read through them you will likely be reminded of people, situations and memories where these attitudes and actions occur. The healing comes to you as you forgive.

Signs of Unforgiveness
o Judging others: Seeing the ‘speck’ in someone else’s eye while not seeing the ‘log’ in your own eye.
o Ongoing anger and resentment towards someone.
o Keeping score.
o Thinking of ways to get even with others who have hurt you.
o Making others ‘pay’ for no reason.
o Carrying bitterness and anger against those who have offended you or willfully wronged you.
o Constantly doubting his/her loyalty and motives.
o Retreating into isolation from others – creating walls – pushing people away.
o Avoiding those who have hurt you.
o Not wanting to deal with a person or situation
o Walking the other way when you see the person.
o Hoping he/she doesn’t show up somewhere.
o Feeling sick in your stomach when you see the person.
o Erupting in anger, or ‘boiling’ inside – sometimes for no apparent reason.
o Burying the wrongs done to you without really addressing them.
o Gossiping about somebody instead of resolving the issues that you have with that person.
o Acting like nothing happened, instead of confronting issues that have hurt you.
o Instead of stating the truth, you make excuses for those who have hurt or wronged you.
o Feeling sorry for yourself.
o Occasionally, thinking you’re some kind of martyr.
o Feeling like nobody has had it as bad as you.
o Wanting to get even with people who have caused you pain.
o Insulating and protecting myself behind a wall of defensiveness.
o Not trusting others.
o Regularly thinking about and talking about what occurred and about the person who offended you.
o An unwillingness or inability to ‘bless’ the other person and to want ‘God’s Blessing’ on them.
o Thinking or saying: I just ‘can’t’ forgive (usually means I won’t forgive).
o Being angry with God for allowing bad things to happen to you.
o Shallow friendships. You can be ‘friendly’ but you can’t go deep with others.
o Being too sophisticated to be outwardly critical and mean, but inwardly you’re distant, shallow and self-protective.


How do you know if you have a grudge?
o You find yourself holding on to offenses.
o You can’t get over your past.
o You have imaginary conversations with those who have offended you in your head.
o You avoid them at all costs, or when you do see them you wish you could hide.
o You compare yourself to and dismiss them.
o You are constantly looking for ammunition to gossip about the person’s life: “They did it to me, now I get to do it to them!”