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Friday, July 8, 2011

Communication - Quick to Listen

I have been writing the last few weeks about communication. I started by writing: Communication is an interesting and confusing dynamic. It sure doesn’t seem like communication should be so perplexing or complicated. The truth is though – communication can be most difficult.

Communication is often misunderstood because people see it as a one-way activity. People tend to believe that communication has happened when something has been said. Communication is not a one-way activity though –it is a two way activity. It includes speaking BUT it also includes listening. Of the two sides, listening may be the more important side.

It has been said that since God gave us two ears and one mouth it should be obvious that we should listen twice as much as we talk. This isn’t always the case though. Listening is not something that comes naturally or that everyone does well. Listening well is so rare that when someone is a good listener, people will comment about the skill.

The Bible has over 500 verses that deal with listening. The verses are scattered throughout the Old and New Testaments.

One of the most direct verses in the Scripture was written by Jesus’ half-brother, James. He wrote:
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. (James 1:19 NLT)

Be “quick to listen and slow to speak.” If we as human beings could practice just those two things, communication world-wide and in every societal structure would change. Work would change, home life would change, neighborhood associations, political groups, church groups and even entire nations would change.

I tell teams that I coach: You play what you practice. If we all practice listening, the game of life would be better because we would play the game of life as listeners.

Communication - Good - Helpful and Encouraging

I started my thoughts last week with this idea: Communication is an interesting and confusing dynamic. It sure doesn’t seem like communication should be so perplexing or complicated. The truth is though – communication can be most difficult. Then I wrote about honesty and the two sides of honesty.

There is a little saying about honesty that I learned over 20 years ago from Win Anderson.

Not everything that is honest needs to be said but everything that is said needs to be honest.

This is an impacting idea. If I spoke everything that came into my mind – honest thoughts – it would not be good for me and it would not be good for others.

This idea was illustrated a few years ago in the movie , “Liar, Liar” starring Jim Carey. In the movie the father is an attorney who has trouble telling the truth and keeping a promise. His son, Max, decides to make an honest man out of his father by making a wish that for one whole day his dad would not be able to lie. The wish comes true and all his father can do is tell the truth no matter whether it should be said or not.

There is a truth found in Scripture that gives guidance regarding WHAT to say.

Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. (Ephesians 4:29 NLT)

What is said not only has to be true but it has to be good and helpful. What is said has to be an encouragement to the hearer.

The teaching of God’s Word is that each of us is to be committed to being truth tellers and truth hearers. That is only part of the teaching. The rest is to speak good, helpful and encouraging words.

We are called to tell the truth when it is good, helpful and encouraging!

Communication - Honesty Both Ways

Communication is an interesting and confusing dynamic. It sure doesn’t seem like communication should be so perplexing or complicated. The truth is though – communication can be most difficult.

One of the aspects that make communication complicated is the area of honesty. Though honesty is the primary building block of communication, it is often missing or only partially present. Being honest is often not as easy as it would appear to be. “Just tell the truth!” Easier said than done – yes?

Honesty is complicated because honesty is not one sided -- it is two sided. Honesty requires the person ‘communicating’ to tell the truth. Honesty also requires the person ‘receiving the communication’ to permit honesty. When the sender is less than honest or the receiver doesn’t allow complete honesty, there is faulty communication. Healthy communication cannot occur in that kind of environment.

People will sometimes ask someone else, “Can I be completely honest with you?” Why do people ask that question? People might also say, “OK, I’m going to be honest with you.” Why?

People say these things, while attempting to communicate, because the ‘hearer’ often does not what honesty. They say they do. They are hurt and disappointed when honesty is lacking BUT they get angry when the truth is communicated.

If people want to experience healthy communication both aspects have to be present. There has to be a commitment on the ‘sender’ to communicate honesty and there has to be a commitment on the ‘receiver’ to receive honesty. When two people or more have that kind of dynamic working, communication happens!

So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. (Ephesians 4:25 NLT)

Be honest! Receive honesty!

Vacation - God's Idea

Summer is often vacation time for people. Families plan trips, taking time away from their normal routines and work schedules. Vacations are a wonderful opportunity to reconnect with family, make memories and to consider life.

Vacation as a term was first used in the late 14th century. It is from a French word that means, ‘to be empty, free, or at leisure’. The word might be relatively new but the idea of down time or leisure is not a new idea.

God specifically told the Jewish people, early on, that they were to have a Sabbath.

This is what the LORD commanded: Tomorrow will be a day of complete rest, a holy Sabbath day set apart for the LORD. So bake or boil as much as you want today, and set aside what is left for tomorrow. (Exodus 16:23 NLT)

Sabbath, taking time away, being free or at leisure, was so important to God that there were penalties prescribed by God for people who did not obey. The penalties were not minor either. They were severe. It was God’s way of shoe-horning the people into having down time. People by nature work and worry and endlessly pursue ‘self-provision.’ This leads to working endlessly.

Jesus said:
I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. … Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? (Matthew 6:25-27 NLT)

Not only were the people of God instructed, with consequences for disobedience, to take a day a week off, they were also to take a week a year off to celebrate and give thanks. Their land was to be given a ‘Sabbath year of rest’ every seven years. No farming of the land was permitted every seventh year.

God didn’t instruct people to take days off and weeks off for His good or for the good of others. (The Sabbath year for the land is good for creations.) He instructs people to take days off and weeks off because it is good for people. It is good for them physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and relationally. It may not be financially a great idea, but what did Jesus say about that?