I have spent a lot of time this week thinking about the complexity of relationships and communication. There is so much at stake in relationships that we want to get them ‘right’, but they can be so complicated that things don’t always go ‘right’ but instead they go ‘left.’
There is a built-in complexity because each of us naturally assume, expect, have varying value systems, interpret differently, only partially hear and only partially communicate … just to name a few layers of complexity. To complicate the complexity, we each have a level of fear that is manifested in the various layers of complexity.
Added to the mix is a person’s depth of ‘really care’ or ‘don’t care.’ There is, in the gamut of relationships, the fact that every person has a continuum of depth of ‘care.’ On one end of the continuum is the response - I really care, this is so important. On the other end of the continuum is the response - I don’t really care. In each relationship there is always the possibility that two people are on the extreme opposite ends of the continuum. One person cares very deeply. The other person does not care at all.
Is it any wonder that relationships can create such joy and fulfillment? On the other hand, is it any wonder that relationships can create such heartburn and sleepless nights? There’s no wonder as to why one of Jesus’ loudest messages was about ‘forgiveness.’
I have come to some conclusions that I try and allow to serve as guardrails in relationships. Maybe the thoughts will help you. When I bump up against one guardrail, I’m often shot across the road to the other and ultimately bump up against the third thought.
I matter to God, you matter to God and relationships matter to God.
These thoughts serve as a sort of filter through which I try to evaluate my attitudes, words, actions and responses.
Maybe those three thoughts will help you as you navigate the complexities of your relationships.
Relationships matter to God.
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