The Hard Work of Forgiveness

Relationships are hard work! They are fraught with disappointment, hurt and confusion. Communicating is hard work. Listening is hard work. Understanding others requires emotional savvy that rarely comes naturally. Hurts, anger and frustration are more than just toppings in relationships. Sometimes they are major ingredients.

Jesus had reams to say about forgiveness. Forgiveness is one core, if not THE core component of Jesus’ teaching. One of the last lines that Jesus spoke, dying upon the cross was, “Father, forgive them [those who had demanded and carried out his execution] they do not know what they are doing.”

Forgiveness is difficult because it is counter-intuitive. We tell ourselves lines such as “If I forgive someone, then I am ‘letting them get away’ with the wrong” and “If I forgive, they’ll just hurt me again.” But forgiving someone for a wrong does not mean that the offender gets a pass. Forgiving someone means I won’t make them pay. The law, consequences, and ultimately the judgement of God may make them pay. By forgiving the offender, I am released from being responsible for justice and payback and that transfer responsibility to God.

My forgiving or not forgiving has no bearing on whether someone will re-offend. You and I both have forgiven people, and the offender never hurt us again. We have also NOT forgiven and then the offender hurt us again.

Unforgiveness will make you and me into “mutants.” The hurt we hold on to while not forgiving mutates the inner person of the victim. The mutation continues to multiply and consume until eventually bitterness fills the person. The odd reality about the mutation is the offender may not know they hurt the person, or eventually forgets about the victim, leaving the victim to suffer while the offender goes on with life mutation free!

Forgiving others is an enormous deal. Jesus said, “If you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:15 NLT

Jesus, teach us how to forgive, and give us the strength to forgive and the courage to forgive! Amen.